He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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