I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
