Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
