I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
