Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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