My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
