All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
