wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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