they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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