i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
