4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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