Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I met the friendliest cop last night
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
