6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
