If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
