Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
