Kiss
Puke
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
