i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
