Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
