I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
