hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
