before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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