I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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