This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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