My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
