I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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