i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
