god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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