Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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