i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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