So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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