Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize