the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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