the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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