Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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