3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
