someone owes me an orgasm
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
