Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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