you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
