i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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