I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
