Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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