You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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