We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
