We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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