The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
