You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Porn is love you can see.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
