I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
