I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
My breasts were aching with rage.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
