Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize
