Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
