i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i think i just lost a toe
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
