she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
