Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
