well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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