I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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