that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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