Kareoke will never be a sober sport
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
