she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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