The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
