he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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