they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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