I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
